


Do What You Have To Do

by Goldy



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-06
Updated: 2013-07-06
Packaged: 2017-12-17 20:26:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/871616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldy/pseuds/Goldy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“And how hard did you work to get back to me?” she finally whispers into the stillness of the room. There’s no response, but Rose already knows the answer and it breaks her heart a little.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do What You Have To Do

The first time they have sex, it doesn’t go like she imagined it. 

They undress each other in awkward silence, fumbling with zippers and buttons with nervous fingers. It’s only when she’s naked that he stops and really _looks_ at her—and it’s not a good look. It’s certainly not a look she wants to see when the man she loves sees her naked for the first time. 

He stares and she shifts, folding her arms protectively across her chest. “ _What_?” she snaps, though she has a fairly good idea what’s made him so alarmed. 

“Rose....” his voice is gentle and he steps towards her, taking her hands in his. He lowers her arms down from her sides and then links his fingers through hers, staring intently into her eyes. “What happened?”

She flushes and avoids his gaze. She knows what he’s looking at—bruises and scars and run-ins with Weevils and other alien threats. 

He’s not the only one who’s changed in the past few years. 

“It’s a long story,” she finally says. “Long _stories_.”

He nods and then, as if sensing her need for reassurance, smooths his hands up her arms before cupping her cheeks between his hands. “Tell me about it sometime?”

The desire comes back as suddenly as it had disappeared, hot and quick. She stares into his eyes and murmurs, “Okay.”

***

“It didn’t work at first, the dimension cannon,” she explains afterwards, nestled into the crook of his shoulder. She can hear his one heart beating against her ear and can’t decide if it makes her feel happy or sad. “It even backfired once. There was a bit of an explosion, but Torchwood managed to contain most of it.”

There’s a pause and then he says, “Did you get hurt?”

“Yeah,” she says, voice catching. “A piece of glass lodged itself into my knee. Torchwood fixed me up in no time, though.”

“Rose,” he says and she can’t pretend she doesn’t hear the sadness in his voice. 

“I took a break after that,” she says defensively. “I didn’t want anyone else to get hurt, yeah? But I couldn’t just give up, Doctor... I couldn’t.”

“Rose, if it hadn’t been for the Daleks, if what they did hadn’t already weakened the walls between worlds....” he trails off and then adds, “That dimension cannon might have killed you.”

His hand slides up and down her back in a gesture of comfort, but for a second she doesn’t want him to touch her—doesn’t even want him to be _near_ her. 

She rolls away from him, burying her face in her pillow. She breathes in, once, twice, and then back out. 

“And how hard did you work to get back to me?” she finally whispers into the stillness of the room. 

There’s no response, but Rose already knows the answer and it breaks her heart a little. 

Nothing. He did nothing to get back to her. 

***

“I wanted to believe that you were happy,” he says a few days later. They’re sitting in Pete’s study, waiting for him to finish the paperwork that will make the Doctor a legal person in their world. The Doctor sounds tired and sad and a little bit desperate. “The walls between worlds were _closed_ , Rose. I never thought that....”

“I know,” she says softly. All that brain power he had, all that Time Lord knowledge, and he still came up short when faced with something that he considered a fact. The walls between parallel universes were closed and the best he thought he could do was burn up a sun to say goodbye. 

She isn’t sure why she’s making this so hard for him. She buries her face in her hands, suddenly feeling small and human. 

“I missed you,” he says, after a pause. “ _So_ much. There were things that I did that I...”

But she doesn’t get to hear him finish because Pete walks back into the study, carrying a stack of papers. Instead of talking, the Doctor is signing for driver’s licenses and bank accounts and ID cards. 

After a few moments of sitting quietly, Rose reaches out and grasps his free hand. He squeezes her fingers back gratefully. 

They hold hands until it’s time to go. 

***

“The worst was that world where you died.”

They’re in the living room of her flat. He’s lying down on the sofa and she’s sprawled over him, fingers lazily tracing random patterns against his chest. 

She senses him tense, but he only says, “Donna’s world?”

“That’s the one,” Rose confirms. She bites her lip and peers down at him, summoning her courage. “You just... you died. You didn’t even try and regenerate.”

He stares back at her for a long time and then says, “I was... in a bad place after I lost you.”

“So you would’ve just let yourself _die_?”

He shrugs, shifting his gaze to somewhere over her shoulder. “Maybe. Maybe not. That world never existed, remember?”

Rose isn’t at all convinced. She can still remember how it felt when she met Donna for the first time on that London street. _“They took him away,” she’d said, “he’s dead.”_ The devastation had been quick and cold. How _could_ he? Just go down without a fight? Without even trying to regenerate? 

Fighting back sudden tears, Rose kisses the Doctor’s chin and then the corner of his mouth before finally pressing her lips against his. 

“Promise me something?” she says. She waits until he looks at her and gives a small nod. “If we get separated again, don’t give up. Try and find a way back. Or...” she gives a small laugh, “wait for me to find you again, yeah?”

He cracks a smile and cups her face in his hands before leaning in to press a kiss to her mouth. 

“I promise,” he says.


End file.
